Every now and then I have thoughts that veer from my regular way of thinking. This probably stems from an overactive imagination or completing too many mundane tasks at once (nine loads of laundry in one day), but I’m pretty sure I’m suffering from burn out. I absolutely love these 4 people I’m in charge of nurturing in the faith, feeding, clothing, educating, keeping alive, transporting to and fro and transitioning from infants to adults. But, every mother knows that the days can get loooong. Can I get an “Amen!”
My weird thought today? Please don’t tell anyone, K? 🙂 I totally thought about throwing in the towel on homeschooling and just putting all 4 kids in school this fall. But, then I played out that scenario and realized a couple of things. 1) As hard as it is, I would miss homeschooling and so would they, 2) I’m not sure any of us are prepared for the amount of homework that comes home, and we kinda like our evenings, and 3) Mark told me if the kids aren’t being homeschooled, I need to go back to work. Which means I’d actually need to get up in the morning. Stinkin’ early. Like every day. My name may be Dawn, but I’m not a morning person.
You are judging me for being lazy. I can feel it. It’s OK. I know I’m lazy. I’m just, ya know, too lazy to do anything about it.
I had other weird thoughts such as maybe I’d get my hair cut really, super short. But then I know I’d hate it right away and do something else drastic like stay in bed the next day and I don’t need to spend any more time there. What with being lazy and all.
I also wanted to paint our bedroom, but that whole idea morphed into me moving all the furniture around. When Mark came home from work and found the internet unplugged and the room in disarray he thought HGTV had started a project and left in the middle of it. Turns out the new “arrangement” was not to his liking so we spent the next day putting all the furniture back exactly the way it was before.
Sometimes burnout and boredom look a lot a like. Maybe what I really needed this week was not a haircut, new paint or a different furniture arrangement, but to renew my passion and excitement with the Word of God. In my search for excitement maybe I should just take a quiet moment and grasp onto what is steady and True.
That’s hard for me! Sometimes when I slog through my days and do the same old task over and over. Day in and day out. Year after year… I need to just stop and sit with Jesus. Do I need to thank Him that I have children who dirty the laundry that I wash. Sure. But, maybe just sit in His presence and soak up His peace when life is so very, very complicated and hectic.
How do we navigate having 3 boys (2 of them teens) in the same room and maintain good sibling relationships? Is NOW the right time to get our son his license? There is A LOT of talk about girls. What are the right things to say so our boys know how to treat women? Are we SHOWING them a healthy and godly man/woman relationship? Is our daughter witnessing a healthy marriage? Why, oh why, won’t she clean her room? Or brush her hair? But, why does she spend hours brushing her dolls’ hair?
God cares about all these questions and He has all the answers.
I need to sit with Him. Listen. Allow the burn out to burn off and allow the boredom to give way to the excitement of serving Him within the role of being His servant of these children. Because there is plenty of excitement here.