Today is a big day for me and not in a good way. Or a bad way. It’s just interesting. With me it’s almost always interesting. More than 2 years ago I started bleeding much in the same way, although less in amount, as you would when nursing a baby. This was absoluting frightening to me so I did what I often do when I don’t know what to do. I drank a cup of coffee, called the doctor, called my husband THEN I prayed! Why do I get the order backwards almost every time?!
Over the course of several years various tests revealed nothing that would show why I would be bleeding in this way. There were no cysts, masses or tumors. Praise God! So, I stopped wearing white shirts and tried to live my life. But, the problem persisted.
Then in January of this year it seemed to get worse. Back I schlepped to the doctor’s office and this time I was actually relieved when she saw a papilloma/ductal cyst. Well, now we have a suspect! Removal was not recommended as it was so small that it was deemed non-cancerous and, “How could anyting that small be causing all this trouble?” I laughed because I have 4 children. I remember when they were the size of a Tic-Tac and my nausea had nausea.
Fast forward to today. A more recent test and biposy revealed that the little trouble maker from January had continued to bleed (all my undergarments can attest to that!) and it had grown ever so slightly. It also had atypical cells. It was explained to me that atypical is NOT cancer! Apparently there is atypical, pre-cancer, then cancer. Cancer is so dumb. It’s like it has to go to school, then pre-school, THEN it gets to be cancer! Well, I’m not about to let it go to school in my body! I don’t even want to go to school with me!
So today is the day my kind doctor will remove those atypical cells before they have a chance to misbehave and do some real damage.
But here’s the cool part.
I was freaking out about having surgery. Not the being put to sleep part, becuase I’ve been NOT sleeping ever since this whole ordeal started (I’m typing this at 2 AM by the way.) Besides, in a sick way I’m looking forward to anesthesia! As a busy homeschooling mama of four kiddos, I’m kinda looking forward to a warm blanket and an uninterrupted nap. I almost don’t care that I’ll be in a room with some strangers and part of my chest will be exposed!
OK, the cool part. As I was praying about this I asked the Lord if I should really be having surgery? If I should just wait for His healing? Maybe there really aren’t atypical cells there if I can’t see them, right? Then, like He so often does, He gently showed me Matthew 9:20-21. The woman who reached out and touched the hem of His garment. And He gently prodded my heart and said, “You can’t see those atypical cells, but you can see the blood and know something isn’t right. My Word does not say where her bleeding was.” Oh sweet Jesus!
All along I assumed, as maybe you did, that it was menstrual, but maybe she had been bleeding from her ears. Or she suffered from Eczema or nose bleeds (she lived in the desert and that climate is sooo dry!) Or maybe, just maybe, she was afflicted like I am and just needed to reach out for healing (maybe that means surgery since that is available to us today. Praise God!)
Just that gentle Word from the Lord is what I needed today. Knowing that He hears my heart cry for health and wholeness and that He cares what happens to me. I love that His Word is so perfect for whatever I face in my life and that He uses the truth of Scripture to show me His love, grace and mercy. What a gift! A gift I truly needed on this day when life can seem uncertain.